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Before you buy into these defenses, however, you should know that there are equally valid reasons to come clean. For starters, healthy relationships are built on a foundation of trust. Even if your partner gets angry with you, your honesty will be acknowledged and appreciated, and true emotional connection can be achieved.

This might not sound like a great reason to tell the truth about your cheating, but it is. Healthy long-term relationships work and are enjoyable because there is mutual trust. Infidelity cheating is the breaking of trust that occurs when you deliberately keep intimate, meaningful secrets from your primary romantic partner. Please notice that this definition does not talk about porn, strip clubs, casual sex, affairs, or any other type of sexual or romantic behavior.

Instead, it hits at the heart of cheating as the betrayed partner typically perceives it — the loss of relationship trust. Your partner wants and needs to trust you. Without that, the intimate connection in your relationship is compromised. Here is the problem with that thinking: Your significant other will sense that something is wrong, and that the problem, whatever it might be, is Do I Tell My Partner I Cheated impacting the intimacy and emotional connection in your relationship.

Worse still, because your partner wants and needs to believe in you and your relationship, he or she may internalize blame for this distancing, wondering what he or she has done to create this rift. Still, plenty of cheating men and women do choose to keep secrets and tell Do I Tell My Partner I Cheated to Do I Tell My Partner I Cheated up their infidelity, regardless of how that impacts their spouse and their relationship.

I will, however, state that infidelity is usually a sign of deeper problems within a relationship, and silence will not make those problems go away. What it will do is drive a further wedge between you and your partner. So, if you love your spouse and value your relationship, you need to seriously consider the truth and the benefits it can eventually provide. Yes, when you come clean you risk making things worse before they get better.

In fact, you likely will. Telling your significant other that you cheated might even end your relationship. Usually, though, if there are enough good elements to your partnership, your significant other will be willing to work with you in ways that keep you together and help you rebuild relationship trust.

This creates an opportunity for you and your partner to work on your relationship issues together, and for you to restore relationship trust. Getting honest in this way is neither fun nor easy. Your significant other will not enjoy it. But if you truly love your spouse and want to save your relationship, this is the way to make that happen.

If you feel badly about your infidelity and can be honest about what you did, then your relationship can not only survive, it can thrive. Get help from a professional first. He is the author of several highly regarded books. Currently, he is Senior Vice President of National Clinical Development for Elements Behavioral Health, creating and overseeing mental health and drug rehab programs for more than a dozen high-end treatment facilities.

For more information please visit his website, robertweissmsw. Tap here to turn on desktop notifications to get the news sent straight to you. If I tell him, he might leave me. If I tell her, our relationship will never be the same.

When you lie and keep secrets, however, those warm and fuzzy feelings disappear. Is that the sort of thing you can live with? Is that the type of relationship you want to have? How To Make A Girl Dirty post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform.

Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. If you need to flag this entry as abusive, send us an email. Go to mobile site.

 

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14 Aug If you're going to confess, you are going to be in the doghouse (yes, that's the clinical term). You will not be trusted to not cheat again, and that's a shitty feeling — for both parties. Every second you are out of your partner's sight, he or she may assume that you are getting acquainted with someone else's. 8 Jul In a near majority of couples, one partner will cheat on the other at some point. In her new The image that I have is like someone who has been wandering around with a couple of empty wine glasses who suddenly meets someone with a bottle of wine. And so Very slowly they get to know each other. I learned that my girlfriend of a year cheated on me several times during our relationship. The worst part about it was that I didn't find out from her. I found out from one of our mutual friends. That hurt me more than anything. She didn't have the guts to tell me and it broke my heart. I think you should tell him. He deserves to.:

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18 Feb There are few relationship questions more hotly debated than whether or not you should confess to cheating in a monogamous relationship. The main arguments Hooking up with someone new and exciting is much easier than having to confront the reality that you need to break up. Similarly, sometimes. 21 Nov Here's our guide to when you should stay silent. Have you ever kept an Why hurt your partner and potentially ruin your relationship over something that meant nothing to you? If someone has threatened you, you shouldn't be dating them, and you definitely shouldn't tell them that you cheated. When it.

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27 Mar Here, we present both arguments so you can decide which side you fall on. What a reader says: "I told my partner after I cheated on him and I wish I could take it back. Confessing didn't open up new avenues of communication; it just made us both feel like I had to re-earn his trust again. If I hadn't told him. 8 Jul In a near majority of couples, one partner will cheat on the other at some point. In her new The image that I have is like someone who has been wandering around with a couple of empty wine glasses who suddenly meets someone with a bottle of wine. And so Very slowly they get to know each other.

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14 Aug If you're going to confess, you are going to be in the doghouse (yes, that's the clinical term). You will not be trusted to not cheat again, and that's a shitty feeling — for both parties. Every second you are out of your partner's sight, he or she may assume that you are getting acquainted with someone else's. 27 Mar Here, we present both arguments so you can decide which side you fall on. What a reader says: "I told my partner after I cheated on him and I wish I could take it back. Confessing didn't open up new avenues of communication; it just made us both feel like I had to re-earn his trust again. If I hadn't told him.

Read more...

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28 Aug Common knowledge has it that the more honest you are with your partner, the better your relationship will be. If you believe this, it might follow that you should tell your partner if you've cheated. But some experts say this isn't Kevin Darné, author of My Cat Won't Bark! (A Relationship Epiphany), agrees. 18 Feb There are few relationship questions more hotly debated than whether or not you should confess to cheating in a monogamous relationship. The main arguments Hooking up with someone new and exciting is much easier than having to confront the reality that you need to break up. Similarly, sometimes.

Read more...

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8 Jul In a near majority of couples, one partner will cheat on the other at some point. In her new The image that I have is like someone who has been wandering around with a couple of empty wine glasses who suddenly meets someone with a bottle of wine. And so Very slowly they get to know each other. 21 Nov Here's our guide to when you should stay silent. Have you ever kept an Why hurt your partner and potentially ruin your relationship over something that meant nothing to you? If someone has threatened you, you shouldn't be dating them, and you definitely shouldn't tell them that you cheated. When it.

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20 Sep Still, plenty of cheating men and women do choose to keep secrets and tell lies to cover up their infidelity, regardless of how that impacts their spouse and their relationship. And it's not my job to judge them for this. I will, however, state that infidelity is usually a sign of deeper problems within a relationship. 27 Mar Here, we present both arguments so you can decide which side you fall on. What a reader says: "I told my partner after I cheated on him and I wish I could take it back. Confessing didn't open up new avenues of communication; it just made us both feel like I had to re-earn his trust again. If I hadn't told him.

Read more...

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14 Aug If you're going to confess, you are going to be in the doghouse (yes, that's the clinical term). You will not be trusted to not cheat again, and that's a shitty feeling — for both parties. Every second you are out of your partner's sight, he or she may assume that you are getting acquainted with someone else's. 18 Feb There are few relationship questions more hotly debated than whether or not you should confess to cheating in a monogamous relationship. The main arguments Hooking up with someone new and exciting is much easier than having to confront the reality that you need to break up. Similarly, sometimes. I learned that my girlfriend of a year cheated on me several times during our relationship. The worst part about it was that I didn't find out from her. I found out from one of our mutual friends. That hurt me more than anything. She didn't have the guts to tell me and it broke my heart. I think you should tell him. He deserves to.

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28 Aug Common knowledge has it that the more honest you are with your partner, the better your relationship will be. If you believe this, it might follow that you should tell your partner if you've cheated. But some experts say this isn't Kevin Darné, author of My Cat Won't Bark! (A Relationship Epiphany), agrees. I learned that my girlfriend of a year cheated on me several times during our relationship. The worst part about it was that I didn't find out from her. I found out from one of our mutual friends. That hurt me more than anything. She didn't have the guts to tell me and it broke my heart. I think you should tell him. He deserves to. 14 Aug If you're going to confess, you are going to be in the doghouse (yes, that's the clinical term). You will not be trusted to not cheat again, and that's a shitty feeling — for both parties. Every second you are out of your partner's sight, he or she may assume that you are getting acquainted with someone else's.

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21 Nov Here's our guide to when you should stay silent. Have you ever kept an Why hurt your partner and potentially ruin your relationship over something that meant nothing to you? If someone has threatened you, you shouldn't be dating them, and you definitely shouldn't tell them that you cheated. When it. 14 Aug If you're going to confess, you are going to be in the doghouse (yes, that's the clinical term). You will not be trusted to not cheat again, and that's a shitty feeling — for both parties. Every second you are out of your partner's sight, he or she may assume that you are getting acquainted with someone else's. 8 Jul In a near majority of couples, one partner will cheat on the other at some point. In her new The image that I have is like someone who has been wandering around with a couple of empty wine glasses who suddenly meets someone with a bottle of wine. And so Very slowly they get to know each other.

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21 Nov Here's our guide to when you should stay silent. Have you ever kept an Why hurt your partner and potentially ruin your relationship over something that meant nothing to you? If someone has threatened you, you shouldn't be dating them, and you definitely shouldn't tell them that you cheated. When it. 27 Mar Here, we present both arguments so you can decide which side you fall on. What a reader says: "I told my partner after I cheated on him and I wish I could take it back. Confessing didn't open up new avenues of communication; it just made us both feel like I had to re-earn his trust again. If I hadn't told him. I learned that my girlfriend of a year cheated on me several times during our relationship. The worst part about it was that I didn't find out from her. I found out from one of our mutual friends. That hurt me more than anything. She didn't have the guts to tell me and it broke my heart. I think you should tell him. He deserves to.

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20 Sep Still, plenty of cheating men and women do choose to keep secrets and tell lies to cover up their infidelity, regardless of how that impacts their spouse and their relationship. And it's not my job to judge them for this. I will, however, state that infidelity is usually a sign of deeper problems within a relationship. 18 Feb There are few relationship questions more hotly debated than whether or not you should confess to cheating in a monogamous relationship. The main arguments Hooking up with someone new and exciting is much easier than having to confront the reality that you need to break up. Similarly, sometimes. 21 Nov Here's our guide to when you should stay silent. Have you ever kept an Why hurt your partner and potentially ruin your relationship over something that meant nothing to you? If someone has threatened you, you shouldn't be dating them, and you definitely shouldn't tell them that you cheated. When it.

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21 Nov Here's our guide to when you should stay silent. Have you ever kept an Why hurt your partner and potentially ruin your relationship over something that meant nothing to you? If someone has threatened you, you shouldn't be dating them, and you definitely shouldn't tell them that you cheated. When it. 15 Sep There's no one-size-fits all solution for if you should tell your partner you cheated. Find out when Do you think about the woman all day and tell her everything that's happened since the last time you saw her? Do you Confessing is crucial if you're invested in someone other than your partner, she adds. I learned that my girlfriend of a year cheated on me several times during our relationship. The worst part about it was that I didn't find out from her. I found out from one of our mutual friends. That hurt me more than anything. She didn't have the guts to tell me and it broke my heart. I think you should tell him. He deserves to.

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28 Aug Common knowledge has it that the more honest you are with your partner, the better your relationship will be. If you believe this, it might follow that you should tell your partner if you've cheated. But some experts say this isn't Kevin Darné, author of My Cat Won't Bark! (A Relationship Epiphany), agrees. 8 Jul In a near majority of couples, one partner will cheat on the other at some point. In her new The image that I have is like someone who has been wandering around with a couple of empty wine glasses who suddenly meets someone with a bottle of wine. And so Very slowly they get to know each other. I learned that my girlfriend of a year cheated on me several times during our relationship. The worst part about it was that I didn't find out from her. I found out from one of our mutual friends. That hurt me more than anything. She didn't have the guts to tell me and it broke my heart. I think you should tell him. He deserves to.

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You Cheated. Should You Tell Your Partner?

8 Jul In a near majority of couples, one partner will cheat on the other at some point. In her new The image that I have is like someone who has been wandering around with a couple of empty wine glasses who suddenly meets someone with a bottle of wine. And so Very slowly they get to know each other.

9 Jun I'm going to say this up front: I am not a fan of lying and keeping secrets in an intimate relationship. If you are looking for someone to tell you that after you cheat you should probably just keep things quiet for the sake of your relationship and your partner's well-being, because learning that you cheated would. 18 Feb There are few relationship questions more hotly debated than whether or not you should confess to cheating in a monogamous relationship. The main arguments Hooking up with someone new and exciting is much easier than having to confront the reality that you need to break up. Similarly, sometimes. I learned that my girlfriend of a year cheated on me several times during our relationship. The worst part about it was that I didn't find out from her. I found out from one of our mutual friends. That hurt me more than anything. She didn't have the guts to tell me and it broke my heart. I think you should tell him. He deserves to.